Escape

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Angel of death, come take me away
Remove the sorrow and emptiness surrounding me
Release the pain, erase the tears, destroy the heartache
Let your sweet black nothingness be all I see

Oh Sweet Girl, why do you think it’s your time
You are yet so young, with life in front of you
What will those around you think
When you have decided to pass on through?

Oh Death, Those  around me are soulless and cruel
Their hearts are empty, mouths spewing hatred
They hide the evil they contain with a smile and lies
Always reveling in the horror you have tasted.

Sweet Girl, put those pills away
Come over here and let me hold you for a moment
Take comfort that not all is lost, not all are as they seem
Tell me again, why it is that you are so broken

Death, there is so much emptiness within.
When I slowly remove that with some with love and joy,
There are those that wrench it away from me,
Laughing all the while, like my life is just a toy.

Sweet Girl, put the alcohol down,
Take hold of this hand of mine and rest your head
Letting me kiss your painful tears away
And please finish telling me all that has yet to be said

My Angel of Death, this one told me he was an angel
He said he loved me and I was his one.
I didn’t see the evil he possessed, he didn’t hear my NO
Now that my innocence is gone, his cruelty done.

Sweet Baby Girl, can you please put that razor down
Look me in the eyes, tell me again why
Why do you seek to end it all this way
Are you going to give up and not even try?

Kind Death, Another one told me I was his World
That we were going to be Heaven on Earth
What he showed me was hell with a fist
To all who could see, I was nothing of worth.

Sweetness, can’t you see, that there is hope.
Step out of that water and listen to this.
You still have life left in you and years to go
It might not look like it but soon there’s bliss.

Death that’s what I’m asking for now, sweet bliss
Give me what I seek, for nothing else has proven true
Love and hope have failed, people prove false to their words.
Faith is worthless, and ending this is my way to get through.

Oh Little one, What lies you have been told.
For what I see is one so strong from trials you face
A beacon of hope for those struggling as well
You have been living and surviving with so much grace.

Death, I do not see this grace and strength
Pain, darkness, hurt, betrayal, and anguish are what I know
Where do you see this survivor, this one full of hope
For here all I see is hopelessness, loss, and nothing left but woe?

Sweetest Baby Girl, You have survived and battled on
You can still be here, showing them how wrong they are
Fights and battles, you’ve made it through them all,
You haven’t lost yet, though you carry some scars.

Death, why do you care so much for one wanting to die
One ready to surrender all that they are to you
I’m seeking a way out, to finally be at peace,
And you’re turning me away, have I no true value?

Sweet Little One, sorry to deceive you, but Death I am not
You overflow with love, a soul so sweet it’s hard to find
A warrior’s spirit you have, strength abounding within you
Death does not deserve you, for he would be so unkind.

Sweet One, you have life and love to experience still
There will be heartache and pains, failures and losses along with lows,
Scars and bruises, but you will win love, hope, and faith.
You are the author of this story, now show me how it goes.

Your Body is a Canvas

I’m about to add to the artwork on my body again. I love tattoos. I feel that the body is just a blank canvas waiting to be filled with the journey of your life. It’s been quite a journey, and I’ve only begun to describe and share it.

My first tattoo was on my wrists. Why there? My wrists is where I first started to self harm with cutting, as I was already self harming in other ways before then. When I looked there, and hurt myself there, it was something I was in control of, gave me a strength in a way. So why not replace the bad with a good. Now I have a strength that shows something, shows hope. It also means a successful voyage. I guess after what I’ve been through, and what I’ve attempted, I’ve survived. I was successful at living so to speak.

Sparrows on Wrists

Sparrows on Wrists

The next one to join the ranks is my upper back tattoo. What better place to have a quote about hope.That no matter how bad things get, there is a light, a hope, that things will get better. Ralph really had a way with words. Fist bump it boy.

Ralphy (Emerson) on my Back

Ralphy (Emerson) on my Back

So that leaves the one I got last. As you all know, I’ve been in my rabbit holes and now I’m at a tea party. To commemorate my favorite books, and my acceptance of my past, my imperfections, the mental health states I go through, I have a quote from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland on the inside of of my arm. For honestly, I cannot, nor will I, go back to yesterday. I’m a far better person I think, for what I went through, and can share this with others.

I cannot go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

I cannot go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

So that leads to the newest bit I want to add. I have mental issues from PTSD due to rape. I deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis. I’ve attempted suicide. I’ve planned other suicides as well as debate if I should. I have what the doctors told me is an addiction, self harming. Yes, an addiction, but I’ll write more on that later. So why this information? The simple reason is, I’m going to get a semicolon.

Why?

Because of a group I found. The Semicolon Project, not to be confused with a similar one, Project Semicolon (this unlinked one is faith-based group, which I’m not into, no offense anyone).  As they state on their home page, “A Semicolon represents a sentence the author could have ended, but chose not to. That author is you and the sentence is your life.”  I’ve chosen to not end my sentence when I could have, so I shall make the most of this second portion of my sentence.

semi

What does your art show? What is your story?